Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize