just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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