Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
