During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
