I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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