it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
