Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
