At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
