hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
