I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
