the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
