I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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