Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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