I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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