Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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