the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
