i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So vagazzling was a success
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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