Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
