I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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