I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
