Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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