He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
