My first STD was from a foam party
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
