can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
