I cut my penus on the lid.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
