Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
