My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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