I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
