I CAN MOONWALK!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
