There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
