He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
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About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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