I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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