If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
