so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
