and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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