I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
