He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
