I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
