Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
