I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
