wakey wakey hands off snakey
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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