You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
