How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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