No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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