Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
