He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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