you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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