So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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