there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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