There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
he was CRYING into my vagina
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
COCAINE IS GR8
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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