she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
