i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
