Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
