Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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