I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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