Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
