dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Even my vagina gasped.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
