If i come over, it means nothing
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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