you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
