It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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