he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
