I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
