Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Randomize