You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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