Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
