We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
