i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
