The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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