i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
this just has baby written all over it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
