Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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