I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
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jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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