he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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