True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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