no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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