my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
