Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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