when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
