im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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