Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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