the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
