we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
