We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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