did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
