he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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